PowerMizzou - Blowin' Smoke Presented by Weston Tobacco
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Blowin' Smoke Presented by Weston Tobacco

What's more fun than us giving you a chance to mock us every single week? In our new feature, Blowin' Smoke presented by Weston Tobacco, we will do that each and every Thursday. Gabe DeArmond and Mitchell Forde will make five predictions almost sure to go wrong every week in this space. These will range from big games to big picture predictions with a bit of the comedic and absurd mixed in most weeks as well.

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1) What will LSU's record be at the end of the season?

Mitchell: I'm guessing 3-7. The defending national champs are almost certainly going to be double-digit underdogs to Florida (assuming Florida has everyone healthy by time that game is played), Auburn and Alabama. Texas A&M should definitely be favored to beat them, as well. That leaves South Carolina, Arkansas and Ole Miss as winnable games. The way LSU has looked so far, I definitely can't pick them to win all three, and it's not out of the question they could lose two or even three of them. I know these are fairly unique circumstances, but I can't remember a national champion having such a dramatic backslide.

Gabe: I still can't quite wrap my head around LSU being what it looked like last week (and week one as well). I know it doesn't make sense, but I have to think they get enough figured out to win three of four against South Carolina, Arkansas, Ole Miss and A&M (sorry, still not buying that stock). So I guess I'm going 4-6. That's kinda crazy, but I don't see how anyone could pick them any better right now.

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2) SEC picks of the week

Gabe: Auburn (-3.5) at South Carolina: That line is low. I'll go Auburn.

Kentucky (+6) at Tennessee: My head says the Vols but against my own logic I think Kentucky covers.

Ole Miss (-3) at Arkansas: Every week I think this is gonna be the week Arkansas looks like what we're used to. It hasn't really happened yet. I don't know if it will this week either, but Ole Miss is good enough to get the win.

Texas A&M (-6.5) at Mississippi State: Mississippi State will score at least one touchdown, but A&M will score at least two, so Aggies.

Mitchell: Auburn (-3.5) at South Carolina: Auburn I know Auburn hasn't looked very good the past couple weeks, but they have no business losing this game and should probably win by multiple scores.

Kentucky (+6) at Tennessee: This is a tough one. With Tennessee coming off a tough, physical loss, I'll take the Wildcats to at least cover the six and possibly win outright.

Ole Miss (-3) at Arkansas: Barry Odom already grounded one high-flying offense from Mississippi this season (or, at least it looked like it at the time). Can he do it again? Why not. I could see Lane Kiffin letting the praise from his offense's performance about Alabama get to his head a little bit and spend more time trying to sell that on the recruiting trail this week than actually coaching his team, and Arkansas has shown it will always at least come to play.

Texas A&M (-6.5) at Mississippi State: A&M is due for a bit of a hangover, but Mississippi State is such a disaster right now, no way I'm picking them against anyone. Aggies.

3) Give me a pick on Georgia/Alabama (Tide favored by six) and then do these teams meet again in the SEC Championship Game? And are both in the playoff?

Mitchell: I know Alabama's defense got exposed a little bit last week. But I'm just not ready to trust Stetson Bennett and this Georgia offense to put together a drive and score with the game on the line. If Georgia wins, it will be because the defense got some turnovers early and it jumped out to a lead, which could certainly happen, but I'm not picking it. I have Alabama 34, Georgia 30. I do believe these two teams will meet again in the title game. If that's the case, both would probably deserve to be in the College Football Playoff regardless of the result (assuming neither team has two losses entering that game), but if the loser on Saturday loses again, it probably won't happen. The CFP committee has shown it cares more about the number of losses and league titles than anyone else, and between the Big 10, Big 12 and Pac 12, I'm sure there will be at least two one- or zero-loss league champs who would get the nod to join the SEC champ and Clemson.

Gabe: It seems a little hot-takey to say I think someone is better than Alabama, but I think Georgia is better than Alabama. I think the Bulldogs weaker link (offense) is better than the Tide's weaker link (defense). But I think it's pretty obvious this is the prelude to a rematch in the SEC title game and unless Georgia loses the Cocktail Party they've already cleared the biggest hurdles on their schedule. I think they meet again, I think Bama wins the rematch and I think they both go to the playoff.

4) Non SEC picks of the week 

Mitchell: Pitt (+10.5) at Miami: There's really no shame in losing to Clemson by three touchdowns. I still think Miami is better than just about everyone else in the ACC. As long as they avoid a sluggish start, give me the 'Canes.

Cincinnati (-3) at Tulsa: Fun fact: This will be Tulsa's third game of the season, with all three coming against a team ranked No. 11 at the time (in at least one of the polls). It covered in both of the first two, so I'll pick the Golden Hurricane to do so again.

UCF (-3.5) at Memphis: I'll take the Heupels.

Louisville (+17) at Notre Dame: Notre Dame. Louisville has been quite disappointing this year.

North Carolina (-13.5) at Florida State: I remain unconvinced that North Carolina is anywhere near as good as its top-5 ranking, but Florida State still stinks, so I guess I'll take the Tar Heels.

Gabe: Pitt (+10.5) at Miami: Pitt only plays close games. They lose, but cover.

Cincinnati (-3) at Tulsa: Give me Frank Haith.

UCF (-3.5) at Memphis: Know nothing about either team. Memphis.

Louisville (+17) at Notre Dame: Louisville, again, based on basically nothing.

North Carolina (-13.5) at Florida State: If this were hoops, I'd go with the Noles. Since it's football, I'll take Carolina. How weird is that?

5) NFL picks of the week

Gabe: Cleveland (+3.5) at Pittsburgh: The Steelers are the AFC team that scares me as a Chiefs fan the most. The Browns are improved, but not ready for this one yet.

Green Bay (-1.5) at Tampa Bay: Green Bay I guess. I think it will be close, but picking Tampa to cover would basically be picking them to win and I don't see that.

Denver (+8.5) at New England: Pats. Not close.

Arizona (-2.5) at Dallas: Cowboys rally around Andy Dalton.

Kansas City (-3) at Buffalo: We have hit the "Andy Reid's team suddenly looks like it forgot how to win" portion of the schedule. The Chiefs usually slump a little in October before figuring it out in the second half. They lose here.

Mitchell: Cleveland (+3.5) at Pittsburgh: Steelers. Not sold on Baker yet, and I think that defensive front will make his life hard.

Green Bay (-1.5) at Tampa Bay: Packers. I think they look like the best team in the league right now.

Denver (+8.5) at New England: Last week I was all about the Broncos here because it looked like the Patriots would be coming off a short week and be without Cam Newton. Now that that's no longer the case, I have to pick against my beloved Broncos.

Arizona (-2.5) at Dallas: Cardinals. Cowboys haven't been very good even with Dak Prescott.

Kansas City (-3) at Buffalo: The Bills losing came a week earlier than I expected. Still, give me the Chiefs to win and win easily.