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On Sunday, I read an article in the New York Times about a new “alt-wellness” movement on the West Coast in which participants take kambo, “a glue-like toxic secretion released on the skin of a giant monkey frog.” According to the article, people pay $150 to participate in kambo rituals. The substance causes accelerated heart rate, facial swelling, projectile vomiting and diarrhea. It was described enthusiastically by a holistic health coach from Malibu as “a wringing-out of your organs.”

Speaking without the benefit of a degree from a holistic health school, I think organs are meant to be moist — in fact, I’m almost sure of it. It struck me as strange that these hipsters would choose to participate in this, or any other giant monkey frog paste-related ritual. Then again, I did watch every Missouri basketball game from 2014-17, so who am I to judge? We all choose to do what’s bad for us sometimes.