Hailing from Sikeston, Missouri, former Mizzou football player Brandon Barnes is your home loan coach with USA Mortgage. Whether it’s purchasing your dream home or refinancing for a better rate, he’s got you covered. Click on the image above or right here to get the process started.

While taking care of business at a urinal in a men’s room, there are two main approaches. You unzip and go out through the gate. Or you unbutton and unzip to free up extra some room to go over the top. Some guys dabble in both, believing the decision to be underpants-dependent, but generally you’re in one camp or the other.

Of course, within these groups you’ve got room for individual flair — the guy who places a palm against the wall and leans in as if he just completed a triathlon and can’t bear to remain fully upright another moment, the groaner, the guy who believes that just by crossing the threshold of the men’s room that he has a flatulence get-out-of-jail-free card — but those two main groups make up 99.9% of the male population.

There is the rare exception you might encounter a few times a decade. I’m talking about the man who drops everything to use the urinal. Maybe this fellow was raised in a drastically different culture where people wear barrels for clothing. Maybe he is an attention seeker. Maybe he has a significant mental illness. It really doesn’t matter his reason. You’re not going to risk asking the question on your mind because he almost certainly is too eager to explain at length.

On the rare occasion you walk into a public bathroom and find the full moon shining in the fluorescent light, it is understood that a bare minimum of a one-urinal buffer zone around this gentleman is required. Only in the most extreme scenario fraught with the threat of bladder explosion would you sidle up next to a Full Monty urinator.

I take the same approach to blaming refs for losses. I try to limit it to emergencies, like when an egregious call at the end of a game changes the outcome. So in the last decade of Missouri athletics, I would point to the basketball game at Kansas in 2012, when Thomas Robinson knocked Phil Pressey into the front row at the end of regulation and no foul was called. The refs took that game from Missouri. Same goes for the football game against Kentucky in 2018, when a fabricated last-second pass interference penalty on DeMarkus Acy changed a victory to a defeat.

Those are rare occasions.