Bonobos have a reputation as the hippies of the animal kingdom. They solve problems and diffuse tension with casual sexual contact rather than violence. That sounds good, but if you’re going to fully enjoy the lifestyle, you have to accept that the ape with whom you just enjoyed the old “bonobo handshake” will be moving on to your hairy-backed neighbor in a few minutes.

If you’re looking to snuggle up to the same primate every night to watch the Hallmark Channel, then I would suggest the gibbon colony down the path.

College football has way more bonobos than gibbons, which is fine as long as you don’t expect your coaches or players to be monogamous with your favorite school. I would hesitate to use the term “loyalty” when discussing fans — if you attended “Tiger Talk” in September, it was probably because you love chicken wings — but they are consistently passionate about a particular school. They can get frustrated when the hired guns coaching their teams don’t share their sentimental attachments.

Loyalty is the quality that administrators, coaches and players value most when it suits them. Athletic directors bemoan coaches who hold them hostage after successful seasons, shopping themselves around for better opportunities or raises from their current employer. Coaches gripe about recruits changing their minds and players transferring. Players complain about coaches who preach the gospel of commitment and then bolt at the first opportunity.

Situational ethics, I believe it’s called.

I get the in-the-moment hard feelings of coach Barry Odom, who described himself as “indifferent” to offensive line coach Glen Elarbee’s surprise decision to follow Josh Heupel to UCF, although Odom sounded anything but indifferent. He sounded quite angry. Nobody likes to get dumped.

But with zero expectations of coach loyalty, I judge Elarbee only on the job he did at Missouri for two years. He did an excellent job.

The guy some people consider the best offensive line coach in college football, Georgia’s Sam Pittman, has worked for 17 different programs at multiple levels — including Missouri and Kansas in consecutive years — since 1984. He is the definition of a have-whistle-will-travel assistant coach. When Pittman left Arkansas for Georgia in 2016, former Razorbacks coach Bret Bielema ripped him. You hired a guy who had never stayed anywhere more than four years, and you get upset when he leaves after three years?

Likewise, Elarbee had coached at seven different stops in the 11 years before Odom hired him. He exceeded his average by lasting two years at Missouri.

The moral of the story: Don’t hire a bonobo and expect a gibbon.